the shadow of death

              Last night I cried.  Gut-wrenching cries that I tried to suffocate into my pillow.  I had woken up a few times before this, but this time I couldn’t hold back anymore.  It’s happened several nights over the past six months. I manage to hold it tightly together during the day, but there’s something about the night that pulls the strings apart.  Perhaps it’s the darkness or the fact that I’m alone and can let down the walls.

              Sometimes I have moments of overwhelming sadness.  I’m praying for a miracle. A true, inexplicable, impossible-by-human-standards kind of miracle. And the reality is that I may not get that miracle in the way that I want.  I know the Lord will answer my prayer, but His response may not be the miracle I desire.  Instead, it will be the miracle that is best for the person(s) involved.  Which breaks my heart a little.

              So as my pillow became a sponge, I sought comfort and solace from my best Friend.  I switched on the lamp and grabbed my Bible, unsure of where to even begin. With a flip of the pages, I landed on Psalm 22.  That’s where I found the Deliverer.

              “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?

              Why are you so far away from saving me,

              So far from the words of my groaning?

              O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,

              By night, and am not silent.”

That first line struck me immediately.  The very same words spoken by the Savior as He took His last agonizing breaths on the cross (Matt 27:46 & Mark 15:34).  In ways I can’t explain, I relate deeply to the first stanza of this psalm. David’s grief and fear, his cry for salvation, the feeling of loneliness and hopelessness.  But we have a Savior that knows the depth of our anguish: The excruciating pain of the nails holding Him to the cross. The torture in each suffocating breath. The blood draining out each stinging wound from the whip.  The piercing crown of thorns upon His head.  Three hours of total darkness.  He experienced the most horrific form of suffering…He understands - and endures with us – every ounce of misery we might face.

Centuries before Christ came to earth, David cried out to God.  In his moment of despair, he recalled the many times his ancestors had found themselves in seemingly hopeless situations.  They trusted. How did the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob respond to their desperate pleas?  He delivered.

“Yet, You are enthroned as the Holy One;

              You are the praise of Israel.

              In You our fathers put their trust;

              They trusted and You delivered them.

              They cried to You and were saved;

              In You they trusted and were not disappointed.”

              Take heart, dear ones!  We may be walking that road in the valley of the shadow of death, YET…He is still God. All-powerful, all-knowing, ever present in times of trouble.  He is with us - In the darkness, He’s right there beside us.  He is able. He is trustworthy. He’s sovereign and He’s good.  He’s already overcome the world.

              I don’t know what miracle you’re praying for tonight.  Maybe it’s a financial situation, a restored relationship, healing from loss.  Whatever the circumstance, step out into the darkness and reach for the “yet.”  Recall the His faithfulness and provision in the past.  Trust Him for deliverance – in whatever way He deems best.