Abundant Life

Happy New Year!  I’ve always found it fitting that the new year begins right after Christmas - we end the last year with the reminder that we are immaculately loved by the Savior of the world and start the next year with a renewed sense of purpose.  That fresh starts leads us to make new commitments, resolutions, and goals for the upcoming year.

I must admit, I don’t really do resolutions. I’ve never really been a goal-oriented person. I try to constantly improve myself and not limit it to the start of every year.  When I realize something needs to change, I simply begin to make whatever adjustments are necessary to make that change happen.  Sometimes it works.  Other times…well, it’s a twenty-seven-year work-in-progress.

As I’ve watched my friends and acquaintances commit to their resolutions, I have been forced to realize that the reason I don’t do resolutions is fear.  I’m afraid of failure. Failure to complete the goal. Failure to meet the standard I set for myself.  Failure to please others or meet the standard I think they have set for me. 

But I don’t want my life to be paralyzed by fear.  Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it in abundance” (John 10:10). Based on those words, I believe that He came not only to take my fear, but also to fulfill His purpose for my life.  So, what do I do when God asks me to do something of which I’m terrified?

Run and hide.  If God created me like this – weak, insufficient, awkward, insecure me – how could I possibly do any good work for His kingdom?

The next few posts will probably be on this topic. It’s where I’m at in my headspace right now, and I think in order to move forward, it’s the message my heart needs to absorb. Not just read it with a smile today and forget in the busy-ness of tomorrow, but really breathe in His grace.  I pray that God would stitch it into my heart so that I can break out of fear and move into my calling. 

So, hang with me!  😊

Anchored Hope

Happy Fall, ya’ll!  Suddenly, autumn seems to have arrived.  One day we had a high of 90 degrees, the next it was 50.  Which brings so many changes. Apple and pumpkin spice, hoodies and boots. School buses and football and hockey.  Cool relief from the summer heat and leaves transforming into their rainbow of red, yellow, and orange.

Every fall, I begin to reflect on the past year.  The joys and the sorrows, the successes and the failures. And I wonder…did I change, too? Am I a little less green than I was twelve months ago?  I’m rather ashamed of that girl.  Ignorant of her stagnancy, she thought she was content with the way her life was.  She didn’t see a need for change, at least not externally. Work, friends, family…all fine and dandy.  She was comfortable.

Then reality shattered her naïvete.  Sometimes it takes a punch in the gut to wake us up.  You know the news you just never want to receive?  The kind that seems like a nightmare, and happening to loved ones four states away.

I prayed. I prayed so hard for healing and for wholeness, for things to go back to the way they were, for normalcy.  This new reality was harder than anything my family had experienced in the past.   What are You up to, God?  Where are You?  What good can come from this? Why us?  You promise to never leave us or forsake us.  You promise to fight this battle for us.  You promise that Your plans give us hope and future.  You promise to make us into a well-watered garden.  How?  In this desolate place of starvation and sickness…how?

Hope was gone.

Then I heard a gentle whisper: “Do you believe in Me?”

Now months later, I find myself still reeling from the heartbreak. Yes, I believe in Him. Yes, I trust Him.  But I still grieve. The other night as I flipped open my Bible, God led me to the Book of Hebrews. And HE SHOWED UP.

Chapter 6 says, “Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of His purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, He confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf” (v. 17-20).

Oh, there are so many layers here to unfold. First, I love the phrase unchanging nature.  As someone who hates surprises and appreciates consistency and stability, I find comfort in the assurance that even though my life is constantly shifting, my God is not. In every season, He is still the same.  He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever.  His nature, His very heart, will always be.  I can count on it.

And He wants to make sure His heirs understand this.  So, who are His heirs?  According to Romans 8:14 & 17, “those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God,” and “if we are children, then we are heirs, heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.”  If you are a believer, then you are an heir to His promise!  If we are His heirs, we have this hope that He is eternal, His sacrifice has saved us from eternal suffering, and one day we will enter His perfect, holy kingdom.  That’s the promise we are given, that we will someday have no suffering, no sorrow, no pain.  There shall be no more tears.

It’s hard to conceptualize that in this imperfect world. When it seems like every plan we’ve made is thwarted, every option exhausted, every ounce of light extinguished, how can we keep the faith?

Later in Hebrews, the writer defines faith as “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (11:1).  He defends his argument by reminding his audience – the Hebrew nation – of their ancestors’ faith. “By faith, Abel…Enoch…Noah…Abraham…” and so on.  Abel offered the sacrifice God required. Jeered by his peers, Noah, in holy fear, built an ark. Abraham became a father because he trusted God to be faithful to His promise, looking forward to a “better country – a heavenly one” (v. 16). Others experienced torture and execution “so that they might gain a better resurrection” (v. 35). Each one lived out their faith by obeying the Lord and looking ahead to eternity, even when it seemed irrational and hopeless. 

The thing is…11:13 & 39-40: “These people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them…from a distance…These were all commended for their faith, yet none received what had been promised. God had something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”

As long as sin remains in this world, suffering will exist. But our hope – that Christ defeated sin by dying on the cross and resurrecting to life – gives us the assurance that we will receive our inheritance in heaven.

I am so encouraged by this!  Tonight, as I cry in grief, I am also shedding tears of joy and gratitude. My drowning soul is clinging to that anchor of hope and I’m not letting go.  Because I know that my grandparents have received their promised inheritance, my uncle is receiving his, and in God’s perfect timing, I will, too.   

 Some have asked how I can believe in something I cannot see.  The truth is that I seek His Presence.  I see Him in the miles my mom & aunts traveled every week from Pennsylvania to South Carolina. In the love and devotion of a faithful wife. In the tender touch of a mother caring for her terminally ill son. In the son’s gratitude for simply getting through another day.  In the kindness of the medical staff.  In the way Buddy sits and gives me one of his Great Dane sized paws, his brown eyes glistening with eagerness for a snack.

This year I realized that we can ask why, but we may not receive the answer on this side of heaven.  That’s okay.  I know Who has the answers, and as I get to know Him better, I am learning more of His goodness and sovereignty. He loves us so.  I have no doubt that when my uncle breathed his last, agonizing breath in this world, he breathed his first full breath of heavenly air as he fell into the arms of Jesus.  Exiting his cocoon of illness and pain and receiving a perfect, whole new body.  And then I realized…that’s the transformation we all anticipate.

That right there, that’s the good.  That’s the hope we have as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure.

the shadow of death

              Last night I cried.  Gut-wrenching cries that I tried to suffocate into my pillow.  I had woken up a few times before this, but this time I couldn’t hold back anymore.  It’s happened several nights over the past six months. I manage to hold it tightly together during the day, but there’s something about the night that pulls the strings apart.  Perhaps it’s the darkness or the fact that I’m alone and can let down the walls.

              Sometimes I have moments of overwhelming sadness.  I’m praying for a miracle. A true, inexplicable, impossible-by-human-standards kind of miracle. And the reality is that I may not get that miracle in the way that I want.  I know the Lord will answer my prayer, but His response may not be the miracle I desire.  Instead, it will be the miracle that is best for the person(s) involved.  Which breaks my heart a little.

              So as my pillow became a sponge, I sought comfort and solace from my best Friend.  I switched on the lamp and grabbed my Bible, unsure of where to even begin. With a flip of the pages, I landed on Psalm 22.  That’s where I found the Deliverer.

              “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?

              Why are you so far away from saving me,

              So far from the words of my groaning?

              O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,

              By night, and am not silent.”

That first line struck me immediately.  The very same words spoken by the Savior as He took His last agonizing breaths on the cross (Matt 27:46 & Mark 15:34).  In ways I can’t explain, I relate deeply to the first stanza of this psalm. David’s grief and fear, his cry for salvation, the feeling of loneliness and hopelessness.  But we have a Savior that knows the depth of our anguish: The excruciating pain of the nails holding Him to the cross. The torture in each suffocating breath. The blood draining out each stinging wound from the whip.  The piercing crown of thorns upon His head.  Three hours of total darkness.  He experienced the most horrific form of suffering…He understands - and endures with us – every ounce of misery we might face.

Centuries before Christ came to earth, David cried out to God.  In his moment of despair, he recalled the many times his ancestors had found themselves in seemingly hopeless situations.  They trusted. How did the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob respond to their desperate pleas?  He delivered.

“Yet, You are enthroned as the Holy One;

              You are the praise of Israel.

              In You our fathers put their trust;

              They trusted and You delivered them.

              They cried to You and were saved;

              In You they trusted and were not disappointed.”

              Take heart, dear ones!  We may be walking that road in the valley of the shadow of death, YET…He is still God. All-powerful, all-knowing, ever present in times of trouble.  He is with us - In the darkness, He’s right there beside us.  He is able. He is trustworthy. He’s sovereign and He’s good.  He’s already overcome the world.

              I don’t know what miracle you’re praying for tonight.  Maybe it’s a financial situation, a restored relationship, healing from loss.  Whatever the circumstance, step out into the darkness and reach for the “yet.”  Recall the His faithfulness and provision in the past.  Trust Him for deliverance – in whatever way He deems best. 

The End.

It is finished.

In the summer of 2015, I set out to read the Bible from Genesis through Revelation, intending to document my journey through the Scriptures as I read each Book. I thought it would keep me accountable and help me articulate my thoughts if I blogged about the things God was teaching me. But then, just as I got the gumption to do it, my laptop died.  I had noticed that my beloved Mac was slowing down…little did I know that only 3 blog posts into my plan, she’d shut down for the last time. I was quite disappointed, as I couldn’t afford to buy another computer at the time, but I still recorded my studies the old-fashioned way – with several notebooks and many an ink pen. (I’m so happy to announce that I was finally able to purchase a new computer and can share some of the stuff I learned during my virtual hiatus!)

During that time, so much changed. It’s funny to think back to the girl that began that journey 3 years ago. Only 3 years, yet…3 YEARS. Now, I admit that I wasn’t always consistent with my Bible study as I should have been. Sometimes I got lost in a good book and fell asleep before I opened THE Good Book. Other nights I chose to watch a favorite show instead. Or maybe I clawed and fought against another chapter of Leviticus or Job. But here we are, December 2018, and I don’t think I recognize that girl.  She was so quiet and intimidated by, well, everything, allowing fear to hold her back from adventures, relationships, even career opportunities.  Her perspective was quite different from that of the girl who just read the last verse of Revelation.  So many changes occurred in the last few years. Good changes. Changes that I’m excited to share with you in future posts.

Right now, though, I am still in awe of Revelation. Not the first time I’ve read it, but it still punched my gut. Hard. The Book is beautiful. As a lover of literary elements, I admired the detailed imagery and poetic verse. John’s visions are so clearly painted for us I felt as though I was reading a screenplay. And to think that it’s all prophecy…in many ways, it’s terrifying to think those things will occur. Horrific plagues, deadly earthquakes, painful illnesses, the Antichrist. I’ve read the Left Behind books – fictional though they may be, I know that I do not want to be around to experience these things firsthand. It is going to be awful.

Yet, the end is only the beginning. He will create a new heaven and a new earth, a new Jerusalem, “making all things new” (Rev 21).  In the following verse, He says, “It is done. I AM the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.” We’re going to live with Him, always, without the threat of sorrow, pain, loss, illness, etc.

It is finished.

Three of my favorite words. Three words that contain so much victory. Christ’s final words as He took His last breath and overcame death (John 19:30). His purpose for coming to Earth was to be the Sacrificial Lamb, to die in our place, to defeat death so that we may have a relationship with Him and spend eternity with Him in Paradise.  He had fulfilled His Father’s plan.  All so that we can get to the end of Revelation.

“Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. “Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.  I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star.”

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let the one who hears say, “Come!” Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life.  I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll.  And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll.

He who testifies to these things says, “Yes, I am coming soon.”

IT IS FINISHED.

Rules

Rules.  Sometimes they seem unnecessary.  Sometimes they seem constricting.  Limiting.  Confining.  Especially the most specific of rules.  Often I wonder if the rules are in place simply to give the ruler a power kick.

            When it comes to rules, I think you’re either a follower or a breaker.  You follow them to a T, trusting that they’re there for a reason, whether or not you understand the purpose. Or you rebel and break the rules simply because you can.  I must admit I’m completely a follower.  I follow the rules, blindly, simply because they’re there, and I just CAN’T break them.  At school, I was the naïve teacher’s pet, abhorred by the other students, because I obeyed every rule – and I mean, every rule:  Don’t talk in the hallways.  Walk.  Don’t cheat.  Share.  Do your homework and turn it in on time.  The one time I scored a detention was a misunderstanding on the teacher’s part and didn’t count on my record.  I was the perfect student.

            Why?

            At the time, I thought it was because that made me a good person.  It might have been a bit arrogant of me, but I thought that made me a “good” Christian.  Obey because the teacher said to obey. 

            Well, there are a lot of rules in the Old Testament.  Just throughout Exodus and Leviticus alone, God gives the Israelites thousands of lines of specific instructions to build the Tabernacle and all of its holy contents.  Then He gave them directions on offering sacrifices and rules for social conduct.  Detailed rules that explained the food they were allowed to eat, the type of lifestyle they were to live, and especially commandments governing their relationships.   

He expected perfect obedience.  If they disobeyed, they would face the consequences.  In Leviticus He warns that the disobedient would be “cut off” or even “put to death.”  Serious stuff.  And it all leads me to wonder why it was so important.

To make their lives miserable?

To test their loyalty?

“You must distinguish between the holy and the common, between the unclean and the clean” (Lev. 10:10).

When I read Leviticus before, I missed so much, trying to fly through it because I was bored.  I missed the characters and stories of the first two Books.  I wanted more of the mystery and excitement, the grief and joy I experienced through the lives of the characters. 

But now, I see Leviticus has its own characters, its own story.  God, Moses as the narrator, and the people of Israel.  He presents them with a holy lifestyle and they are to follow His lead.  He commands them to “consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am the Lord your God.  Keep my decrees and follow them.  I am the Lord who makes you holy….who has set you apart from the nations” (20:7-8, 24).

Over the winter, I studied the Gospels and made a startling discovery.  John 14 & 15 record Jesus’ message of obedience, explaining that obedience is the fulfillment of love.  “If you love Me, you will obey what I command…My Father will love him, and we will come to Him and make our home with Him” (14:15, 23).

Then through our obedience, we receive joy: “If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in His love.  I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” (15:10-11).

            All this to say, I don’t believe the commands of Exodus and Leviticus were just for the Israelites.  They were under that Old Law, one that required sacrifices that are now unnecessary after Jesus became that sacrifice.  However, these rules are still important for believers today - rules that focus on idolatry, sexuality, profanity, compassion, revenge, sorcery, respect, ect.  Galatians reminds us that once Christ died and resurrected, a believer, Jew or Gentile alike, is a child of God through faith in Christ (3:26-29).  Now, we don’t have to offer sacrifices to receive God’s forgiveness (praise the Lord!), but I think it benefits us to follow the standards He set for the Israelites. 

            And I believe He desires for us to obey.  Not simply because the rules are in place, but because we love Him and we demonstrate our love for Him through our obedience.  My immature perspective of rules as a child was full of pride and fear.  I wanted to please my parents, teachers, and relatives, desiring to be in their good graces and avoid detention.  Now I realize that it’s all a matter of the heart.  Obey not out of tradition or fear.  But out of love for the Savior who became the sacrifice. 

            In the end, I think the root of our problems with rules is (again) trust.  Do we trust Him enough to follow His commands?  To know without a doubt that the rules are there for a reason?  For our good?

            I’m learning to do that.  What can I say? I’m a work in progress.  But I’m encouraged by His promises!  Have you noticed that each command is followed by a promise? 

-                    “ ‘Follow My decrees and be careful to obey My laws, and you will live safely in the land’” (Lev. 25:18). 

-                    “ ‘Do not make idols…Observe My Sabbaths…If you follow My decrees, I will provide rain for your harvest.  I will grant peace in the land. I will look upon you with favor and make you fruitful and increase in number, and I will keep My covenant with you’ ” (26:1-13).

These are just a couple of examples.  I could quote the entire book of Leviticus.  Instead, I’m just going to trust that He knows what’s best for me, take His advice, and expect His promises to be fulfilled! J

Long Way Home

            I had to take the long way home a few nights ago.  I had to stop for milk, which meant I had to take another route to pass the grocery store.  It had been a long day, I was tired and grumpy and ready to fall into bed, and I just wanted to get home.  Can you relate?  When I finally made it to bed, I pulled out my Bible and God began to work. 

By the way, I’ve made it to Exodus!!!  (I didn’t skip Genesis…I just read it before I started this thing.  I hadn’t yet considered doing a blog, and by the time I made the decision, I was already with Moses in Egypt.  You’ll just have to pick up with me there!)

            Before I get ahead of myself, let me say -

Wow.  Tonight I’m overwhelmed.  I’ve been committed to my Bible study this week, and the Lord has been faithful to meet with me each day.  And WOW.  Our discussions have been out-of-this-world cool.  This past weekend my pastor encouraged us to really be in the moment, paying attention to what God wants to teach us throughout the day. He inspired me to be more present in God’s Presence.  I mean, I might read the Bible, but am I really paying attention to what God is saying?  Christ often said, “He who ears let him hear.”  Am I “hearing” and “seeing” all that He’s trying to show me? 

            That has been my goal for the week.  Every time I’ve opened the Word, I’ve prayed that I’ll reach farther for Him and the lessons He wants me to learn.  And He has answered my prayer abundantly!  He has been teaching and comforting and strengthening and opening my eyes with each chapter. 

            So, back to the other night… I read Exodus 13-14. At this point the Israelites have just gained their freedom from bondage in Egypt and are about to cross the Red Sea.  Three things melted into my heart as I explored these chapters.

1.     Sometimes the Lord takes us the long way around to get us home.

v. 17 and 18: “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that way was shorter.  For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God led the people around the desert toward the Red Sea.  The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle.”

            Why did God do this?  To humor Himself as He watched them flounder in the desert and whine about their thirst?  No.  He took them this way so they wouldn’t become fearful of the Philistines, leading them to war or back to slavery in Egypt.  He did this for their benefit.

            Then I thought about getting home later than I had planned.  I wasn’t happy – and I may have complained about it as I pulled into my driveway.  So immature, I know.

Ironically, I found out the next morning that somewhere along my usual route to work there was a car accident at just the time I would have been coming home.  Had I not needed to stop for milk, I could have easily been in that accident.  Yet, God sent me the long way home and saved me from injury, despite my grumbling!

2.     God NEVER leaves us. 

v. 21-22: “By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light…Neither the pillar of cloud by day or the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.”

            He didn’t leave them to wander around on their own.  He not only chose the best route for them, He provided for them so that they could travel by day or night. 

            He does the same for us, but sometimes we don’t see it.  I might never understand the reason for the “long ways” in my life, but I can trust that He knows best for each of us.  And I think it’s important to remember that sometimes my experiences indirectly impact others around me – in ways I’ll never know!  He sees the big picture.  If He says to go one way, I can trust that He is sovereign and caring and will provide for me all that I need – and He’ll never leave me along the way!

3.     God doesn’t just promise deliverance; He promises to fight for me! 

14:13-14: “ ‘Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.’ ”

            Yep.  It brings to mind the old cliché: Pick your battles.  As I read this, I realized that I often fight battles that don’t need to be fought – or battles that I don’t need to be fighting.  I either pick fights when I’m upset, or I go ahead of God and act, and that never turns out well. 

            Friend, HE IS FIGHTING YOUR BATTLES.  The Creator and Orchestrator of the universe is fighting for you and me.  But, are you being still?  Or, are you fighting back?  When we act without His counsel, we aren’t just fighting the opposition, we’re fighting God.  Learn from my mistakes: Don’t.  Just be still.  Trust that He’s already got it under control, and in His perfect time, He’ll reveal the victory.

            Being still isn’t easy for a perfectionist like me.  I’m constantly worrying over little things, trying to fix problems, etc.  But I really think the big idea here is the issue of trust.  Do I trust God enough to say, “I don’t know why this is happening, and I might never know, but I know that You do.  You’re in control.  You’re working it out for me.  And it’s all good”? It’s a huge step, a difficult one.  One of surrender.  But it’s so worth it!  

Confessions

I have two.  The first is that I'm lazy.
     Hey, ya’ll.  I’m Cait.  And I am a recovering English major, recent graduate of Waynesburg University, now employed in social work. Don’t worry.  You’ll no doubt hear more about that later as we continue chatting. 

I haven’t written for, well, months.  Maybe even a year.  I graduated over a year ago and to be completely honest, I think I’ve sat down to write only a handful of times.  I know.  I’m putting the L to my forehead as I type.  So these posts are going to be rusty, but please…hang with me.  Hopefully I’ll get back on the metaphorical bike as we go along.

That’s one reason why I decided to go through with this blog thing.  Not because of the gazillion people who want to read my thoughts.  And certainly not because I enjoy sharing my thoughts.  Quite the contrary actually.  It’s because I need the practice and this might keep me accountable.

Speaking of accountability, that reminds me of my second confession: I'm unfaithful.

Have you ever noticed that reading the Bible can be really HARD sometimes? There are weeks when I feel like I have barely enough time to sleep, let alone keep my eyes open long enough to read.  Then it’s my schedule – I wake up, go to work, then come home and realize it’s time for bed.  Or it’s the content…I mean, have you read Leviticus? 

Now, I love studying the Word.  I do.  I love my Savior, and the primary way for me to fall more deeply in love with Him is through His Word.  But I admit that I’m not always as committed as I should be.
     Last month I made the decision to read the Bible from start to finish.  Genesis through Revelation.  I don’t know if it’ll be in a year, but I really don’t think that matters, as long as I’m reading, studying, contemplating and meditating, focusing completely on what the Lord wants to tell me.  And instead of just jotting down notes in my little journal that I’ll probably never come back to, I thought this – taking those notes and actually reflecting enough to write about the Scripture – might be more effective in my effort to digest and apply them to my life

So.  Here goes.  Feel free to tag along.  I welcome the company!